Dear You it's Me

Well..hi. 

Welcome I guess. Is that the way to start this? This is my substitution of a Youtube channel because my laptop sucks for recording. I guess you could say I'm pretty typical for being eighteen recent high school graduate. Typical for this day and age at least. I 100% suck at people because of social anxiety which is really fun let me tell you. 

You know when you see someone like really really really cute and your like hey I should talk to them but your feet feel rooted to the ground and you can't do anything except stare at them like a deer caught in the headlights? Yeah that's me. Except ALL the time. So like normal social occasions; going out with friends, meeting new people at parties ya naw not for me. I'm that one weird chick you see just blankly staring at people which - I'll gotta admit has worked for me so far. 

You can refer to me as Calico - its my nick name after all. My best friend is a red head - though ironically not the one I thought I'd be best friends with - and she's pretty much saved my life back in high school. And her boyfriend is someone who will always have my back. I don't want this blog to be like oh my god look how horrible my life is but just a general rambling and if people like it HEY WHY NOT but if you don't oh well skip along to the next self help book. 

I grew up in a pretty quiet town, ran around in the streets and skinned my knees and much to my mother's dismay got grass stains all over my clothes. I mean for the most part I guess I was a happy kid but then you know the joy of PUBERTY hit. I learned how to ride a bike twice (once I was pushed down a hill on one by my mom's now husband) and by middle school was diagnosed with eating disorder. You know all the skinny girls with the high metabolism that can like literally eat anything and be fine? That was never me. Don't get me wrong I have nothing against girls like that - one of them is my closest friends. But its really hard to be a middle school girl struggling with food and using it as a comfort when the "mean girls" picked on her.

I know sob sob it's all been heard before but like I said this is a 100% ranting blog.  Anyway on with my dramatic story. 

By highschool I had crippling anxiety and depression that my family refused to acknowledge until I ended up in the hospital my freshman year. Yep, one of those girls. 

In all honesty that's what inspired me to start this blog. I wanted to maybe show other people with depression and anxiety that hey you can live a normal life and even if your dying on the inside you can always have the good memories. I'm on the #metoo list (sorry to anyone who'll get triggered by that) and maybe I'll share more about that later on. I could blame that for my anxiety and maybe it is a source but I don't like to blame. I've just accepted it and have done my best to cope with it.

The best friend I have at my University I got drunk with one of the first days that I met her. And now in a few months we'll be living together. 

A girl that I've known since sixth grade, one of my closest friends (I kind of consider her my sister) told me she was going to shoot herself the first time we talked. Great way to start a friendship right? She was aching for someone to listen and I became that person. 

I have two fish and my roomate has three. I love her to death and you'll often read me talking about her or her boyfriend. 

Well anyway its late and I don't really know what all to say. Comment your stories beneath this? Tell me what you want to know about me? I have no fucking clue and yes - profanity will be utilized with a heavy hand. If you find this comedic then YAY because honestly I kinda do I kind of find my life comedic. Below is a video of my best friend and her boyfriend from a few years ago. Just to give y'all some context.

Until tomorrow.

Calico